in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
handjob tips. give me some.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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