well you can't waste a boner
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
