walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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