the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
