Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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