So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
