Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
