just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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