im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
where are my eyebrows?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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