they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
