Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
