Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
