morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
