i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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