I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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