I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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