booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
