I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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