Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
