but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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