Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
