jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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