someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
