just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
