Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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