An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
