I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
