I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
