Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
