my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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