I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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