did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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