Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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