I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
