i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
