is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
