I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
