is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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