Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
