You made me cry and you don't even care
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
