Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
