So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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