I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
