making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
