Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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