I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
