Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
