remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
