how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
