god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
